So often there are forgotten victims in loss. While we know the people who are suffering and we know those who are directly related to the loss (as we should) yet so often in the loss of a husband or wife, son or daughter we can tend to forget the secondary sufferers.
I have been a secondary sufferer. In 1992 my brother,Clinton, nearly drowned. This event made an inexplicable impact on our family. While the primary sufferers (my parents and my brother) would have in many cases received the most affection and care and the secondary sufferers (my brother and I, our grandparents, our aunts, uncles and friends) would have been neglected and expected just to cope on their own this was not the case.
In our situation our parents, pastor and care-givers went out of their way to see to the needs of our family and friends and allowed us to feel some of the weight they were feeling. Whether it was a word or deed, we were made to feel as though our involvement in the suffering process was essential.
The admonition from Galatians 6:2 compels us all to “Bear Ye one another’s burdens…” but what are we to do when others will not allow us to “bear” with them? We are forced to either walk away, remain silent or be the victim of hurt people hurting people.
While you may be tempted to close up and hurt alone in the painful moments of your life, just remember, it’s not YOUR trial it’s His testing in your life meant to grow you and all those you influence. Allow secondary sufferers to feel a portion of your suffering and bear your burden with you for a while. While they may set it down and go on with life leaving you to bear it all alone, it is God’s way of preparing you and them for the day they will need you to suffer with them.